Thursday, 9 November 2017

Year 3: Week 6: Getting ahead

Week 6 has been a mixed bag - I'm ready for a break that's not coming and whilst feeling very detached from everything, in terms of uni work and my assignments I'm actually doing quite well.

On Monday I didn't have any of my lectures or seminars but instead two tutorials - or I was meant to have two, but the first one my lecturer ran over so bad that myself and the girl who was meant to be after me left because it was a joke and I had other stuff to do.

My photography tutorial was much more useful, but I was very stressed about my Digital Magazine case study assignment because my lecturer, although I'm reluctant to call her that, was absolutely useless - I was so on top of it, I had my first draft finished a week in advance, she wouldn't answer my emails, I had a complete meltdown on Monday and she was absolutely useless. Even thinking about this to write it now is making me very angry. So she did not help me in the lead up to this deadline.

On Tuesday I had an FMP lecture in the morning, an FMP meeting after that, I probably had another meeting (writing this half a week late so the details are a bit fuzzy), I worked on trying to fix my case study to hand in the next day, then there was a seminar about radio and presenting and another law refresher which literally ran until the last minute and I wasn't very happy about it.

Then I went home and lots of people came to my house for a Halloween party. It was mental and brilliant.

And I'm so grateful to have not had a news day the next day. I was in uni pretty early finishing off my case study and submitting that and then I spent most of the afternoon preparing for the first Sonar Media Showcase event, which took longer than I thought. And once that was done I went to see my dad because he was visiting which was nice.

Thursday I spent the whole day with my dad - I had some time in the afternoon where I finally found a package idea for my second package hand in which was useful because it was less than a week till hand in at that point.

Friday morning lecture was somewhat political and I'm really struggling with concentrating when I have literally zero interest at the moment - actually struggling to concentrate on anything at all, I always feel like I haven't woken up - but I'm pretty sure I got some other work done, I can't really remember.

I know I didn't do too much in the Artisan when I met up with the girls and then seminar was actually a pretty useful discussion and I felt like I knew where I'm going with my essay after chatting to my lecturer.

I then went to another cafe to wait for an interview for my package and I got lots done before my interview which was lovely, the interview went really well, and then I went back to uni for drama rehearsals which were less fun if I'm honest because stomach cramps were not on my side.

Saturday I had work and a nap and had Chinese for dinner and went to watch the fireworks with my gorgeous boy, it was lovely.

Sunday was a very relaxed day and actually our two year anniversary! So we went out for dinner but generally a very lazy day and I needed it.

And here we are nearly at the end of another week. I feel like I've been behind on everything ever since I went back to uni. Mentally, I'm just not keeping up at all.

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Sunday, 29 October 2017

Year 3: Week 5: Still not missed a 9am

Look at me on Week 5 actually writing a post on the week it happened. I'm proud of me.

Monday 9am, always my favourite - a member of my Digital Magazine Publishing group wasn't there so we didn't get too much work done but I was there for three hours and was very productive in my two hour lunch break. I then went to my photography lecture and made the elected decision to not go to studio because it's not been very useful so far and going to Asda and going home worked in my favour.

I tried a new recipe for dinner and I didn't like it but I tried it and that's the important bit right?

Tuesday 9am was another FMP lecture that was actually quite useful - it made me think about how I was going to present my story and what I wanted to create. My FMP meeting was good because I could actually talk about these things and then I had a good five hours getting stuff done before my seminar in the afternoon, which turned out to be a law refresher that I really wish I hadn't gone to. But I got more stuff done and that's the important bit. I say that too often wow.

Then instead of going to drama like a usual Tuesday night, I went into London to see dodie and it was a weird gig - YouTube events always weird me out because it's always a bunch of 14 year olds who think they know everything and cheer when dodie asks 'who here has mental health problems' and that really fucked with my head. I had a panic attack and spent most of the night hearing songs that I relate to with my mental health live and it was a weird place to be. I don't know if I could hack seeing dodie live again but I was glad to have my boyfriend with me and I mostly went for the sweater I wanted to be to be honest.

Then Wednesday was News Day. It was my first time being a News Journalist for a few weeks and I wasn't a big fan, but with my favourite lecturer and utter legend Jon Ferrero being so overly kind and saying some really sweet things about my progress and how I handled the story I was on, I nearly burst into tears and it motivated me through the day. So it wasn't all bad!

Thursday, my day off that is never a day off - I had a meeting with the SU and Drama and Performance with Sonar Film and that actually went really well, then I went to the gym and I went way too hard, I think I sprained my ankle but I ignored it and am continuing to ignore it. I thought when I got home I'd have a shower, make lunch, tidy my room, film a couple of videos before I needed to go back into uni.

That didn't happen.

What happened was that I had a shower and had lunch then fell asleep and had to go straight into uni when I woke up. I was very disappointed in myself.

The reason I went back into uni was for an alumni event that the uni was running - we had a stand for Sonar Film, we got to get the word out a bit that we aren't just for students and that anyone can come (like our Facebook page please) and I had a good old chat with a bunch of people that graduated my course last year and it was nice to catch up with them.

Then Friday is was back to glorious 9am starts wasn't it! Though this lecture was actually semi interesting, I actually made notes which I haven't done for the last couple of weeks. It was then to our weekly coffee shop meetings with the Digital Magazine girls and as per, we got literally nothing done but we had the greatest catch up and sorted the world out.

Afternoon seminar was also surprisingly useful - I had a full on debate with my lecturer and I think I made him think a little bit and it was nice to have that discussion, it was actually useful for my essay too. Then I had to go straight to a meeting with the other Sonar Media presidents to try and do a bit of event planning for next week which went well, then I played a couple of rounds of MarioKart in the university's cinema room before drama rehearsals.

What I love about my FitBit is that it's not very good at recognising what kind of exercise I'm doing, so I spent the best part of three hours dancing and singing to Footloose but my FitBit panicked and when I looked under the 'exercise' section when I got home it just labelled it as 'Sport' and I for one found that quite funny. I imagine if I told that story not in written words it would make more sense.

Saturday was a much needed chill day - I'd been saying for a few days that I wasn't going to leave the house on Saturday and for the most part I didn't. I slept in till 10.30am which I haven't done for so long, I pottered a bit, I made lunch with my boyfriend, I napped even though I'd already had 9 hours sleep and then I slowly started actually doing some work. We ordered food for dinner, we wondered over to Sainsburys because I'd run out of cans of coke (I have an addition I can't help it) (to coca cola that is, not the class A drug), then made brownies off some buzzfeed recipe I'd seen and watched a few episodes of the Flash before going to bed.

Sunday night I slept really badly, maybe it was because I slept so much the night before but I didn't sleep well at all, I remember seeing 2.13am on the clock but I think it was really 1.13am (the second one) because of the clocks going back and then my boyfriend was up really early to work at the open day at uni so I've been up since half past seven this morning. 

But today I'm taking it slow - I'm not feeling great mentally, I haven't for most of this week so I'm skipping the gym and saving my energy for work later. My focus for next week is to really try and eat more healthily and stop snacking - it's hard to eat healthy when everyone around you is screaming for pizza and take out, particularly when the one you make dinner with predominantly lives off a diet of bourbon biscuits and will never put on a pound. I know my weight is part of the reason I'm feeling so low but if I don't try then it's only going to get work and diet is 80% of loosing weight so I really need to get on that. 

Maybe I'll actually call the Doctors this week, maybe.

Snapchat: SophieALuckett

Saturday, 21 October 2017

Year 3: Week 4: Losing Control Again

Week 4 - getting back on track - let's do this.

Monday 9am was more interesting because my usual lecturer for Digital Magazine Publishing wasn't there - I actually felt like we had support and help rather than someone who would rather see us fail and that was a nice start to the day. In the break before photography I think I went to the Sonar Media office to work but I can't remember because I'm still kind of ill (I'm writing this on Saturday, yes it's been a week and half now) and my brain has had a long week.

I managed to go to the lecture for Advance Photography and I got to chat through my assignment idea with my lecturer which was great but the studio seminar was too much and I needed to go home. I ended up doing a weekly shop in Asda with my boyfriend and had a nice rest before going to my first pilates class at the gym - god it was a workout but it was actually nice to be worked that hard.

Tuesday 9am - I made it, haven't missed one yet. This week I actually really enjoyed because it focused more on the mechanics and giving us advice on how to make our FMP and that was nice to me, particularly because it really showed me that I had actually thought about this a lot and I know what I wanted to make.

Then I had my usual 5 hour gap - I had an FMP meeting at 10am, I went and did an audio interview about mental health at 10.30am and I had a meeting with another society president at 11am. Then I had to work on my first multimedia story hand in, which as per - I had left until the last minute.

It took me the entire break and another half an hour before the deadline to submit and I'm not massively happy with it but I know what to work on for my next package - find a story with more substance that I don't have to stretch thin and time management.

From there I had drama rehearsals and boy did it kill my throat - 2 hours of rehearsing a song from Hamilton that I barely know and then another hour or so of rehearsing a song I have lead vocals in and that hurt but it was so much fun. I love performing and I love rehearsals and this is everything I wanted but never got from being on a dance team for two years - it made me so happy even though I probably wasn't well enough to be there.

Then it was 8am for another News Day on the subbing desk - because I covered the role for someone the week before, that didn't mean I didn't have to do my week of the role. This week was more stressful because of the hand in the day before and in total I subbed 34 stories. It was busy but more organised than the week before and I did enjoy it.

I also enjoyed the post-News Day Sprinkles crepe but that's not the point.

And I was grateful for my Thursday off - all of my housemates left the house at 7.30am for a trip they were going on and I didn't mind too much as it meant I was awake and I got a fair amount done in the morning and over lunch.

I then went to the gym - second time in a week - then I got home and had a shower and suddenly, my brain switched off. I needed to start baking for our Sonar Media Bake Off presentation the next day but for some reason all I could do was curl up under a big blanket on my sofa and try to stay awake. Who doesn't love a depression nap when you have loads to do, right?

That evening we started baking and made some disastrous cakes but they were done and ready (ish) for the presentation the next day - we had fun.

Friday morning lecture was as interesting as ever - I just can't engage with this academic unit, I find it so hard to care but I attended and I got lots of Sonar work done which is never a bad thing.

In the break I basically had a lovely catch up with my wonderful friend Becca and it was so nice - I feel like I need my weekly debriefs with her and I thoroughly enjoy them.

Friday seminar was actually really useful as we actually started talking about the essay we have to submit in two months which is nice for my brain to try and organise.

Then after that seminar was the Sonar Media Bake Off results - we came a solid middle ground 2nd which I was actually very pleased with and then I took the left over cake to drama rehearsal like two hours later. In between bake off and drama I had a rather big cry on my boyfriend but I got over that and went to drama anyway.

And that night my boyfriend and I finally started catching up on the Flash Season 3 - I'm so excited to be watching it again! It's so nice to be immersed in this world again and it's nice to care about something so much. With the amount I've been struggling with my mental health recently, my passion has gone - I don't listen to music much anymore, I can't think of the last time I wrote anything creatively, I don't read, I barely watch YouTube let alone make videos or write blog posts, so to want to watch something is really quite reassuring.

I felt the same about Kingsman: The Golden Circle actually - I watched it last Thursday at Sonar Film and last Saturday with my mum and sister and then this Saturday I went to the cinema with my boyfriend (which will never be something I don't enjoy, I love going to the cinema) and I just love this film and how it really makes me feel. I won't spoil it but wow there's one bit that I've cried more and more at each time I've been to see it and I think I'm going to try and fit going to the cinema more often into my schedule because I enjoyed it so much.

And the week is over - Saturday has been a nice chilled day and I'm sitting in the living room listening to the Kingsman soundtrack while my housemates play video games and I'm getting some work done. It's nice to feel like I have the time to work at my own pace rather than having to get stuff done ASAP.

I'm going to a new class at the gym tomorrow morning then I've got work in the afternoon, then tomorrow night I don't think I'm going to do any work at all. Let's start Week 5 in the right mindset - this is the week I actually make a doctors appointment to talk to someone about my mental health.

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Year 3: Week 3: I think I'm in control

I mean starting my post about Week 3 at the beginning of Week 4 is probably a good summary of how Week 3 went, but let's just jump right into it.

Monday - Digital Magazine Publishing I could have done everything in the comfort of my own home. I don't mind getting up for a 9am, I'm normally awake at 8am even on days I don't have to be anywhere but when I've made an effort to get up at 7am and get dressed and get into uni to waste my own time is just a joke.

Photography was along similar lines - the lecture was a reluctant discussion about photos and I spent most of my time on my laptop doing other work (and ordering a new sweater) and then the studio session with too many people where I didn't feel like I learnt a lot. Watching 15 people set up a studio shoot that could be done by one, maybe two or three people tops, is not exciting and I don't feel like I learnt anything at all, which is disappointing.

And Monday evening was so memorable I have literally no recollection of what I did, that's a bit scary.

Tuesday mornings are my FMP lectures and we watched a couple of last years FMP videos and read a couple of the previous years full hand ins and it was a lot, it didn't help that feeling of being overwhelmed and I'm very daunted by the whole prospect right now, but also a little bit excited.

In the break I filmed a prep story about a new KFC burger, I was really proud of the video and you can watch that here.

The afternoon seminar for The Convergence Toolkit was a discussion about some of the stories that went on our website on our first live news day and it was quite interesting and useful for us to be able to pick out the good bits and bad bits of stories we've made.

It also turned out that I'd been asked to step in to cover someone who wasn't going to News Day the next day - so I had to go in at 8am for the editorial meeting and I was Chief Sub and Picture Editor.

So Wednesday was long and stressful - the only four prep stories I had to sub and upload I spent about three hours subbing because some of them basically needed completely rewriting, then there was a lull of nothing and then it was every story had been finished and needed subbing immediately then I had to leave before I was done to go do an interview for my package that was due next week. All in all not a great day but also, could have been a lot worse.

Thursday was my beloved day off, because this post is a little bit late and I've had a very long week I've forgotten what I did but I probably didn't stay in bed for as long as I should have.

EDIT: Actually - there was something I did on Thursday, there was a Sonar Media meeting where I needed to feedback to the other Sonar Media committees everything that Sonar Film had done this year, which was interesting and then I worked my first paid showing of the year with Sonar Film - I finally got to see Kingsman: The Golden Circle (and have seen it twice more since) and it was amazing. Actually a pretty good Thursday.

Friday - 9am lectures on communication convergence history, truly thrilling. I think I spent most of the lecture doing Sonar Film work but I attended and that's the important bit. In the break I went for a nice lunch with the digital magazine girls and we decided we'd already done everything we needed to do so it wasn't a massive 'working' lunch but I had a bacon sandwich and it was very much needed before going into a seminar in the afternoon where two peoples phones started randomly beeping and there was a fire drill.

From there, I basically ran home, finished packing my suitcase and ran to the train station to make my way to Luton during rush hour to visit my sister in her new university digs for the first time. One - the Luton campus of Bedfordshire Uni is really modern and the halls are so much nicer than what I had and it was really nice to see.

It was also great to spend some time with my sister and my mum - I was in a financial position this year to be able to buy my sister something I know she really wanted and it was the first time I'd seen my family since I closed my overdraft so it was pretty satisfying.

Saturday I went shopping with my mum and bought this gorgeous deep green long coat from Primark and then we went to see Kingsman (twice in three days - I'm proud) and then I headed back to Southampton for work the next day.

What I forgot to mention is that on the news day I wasn't meant to be subbing, I felt my throat getting worse and worse and suddenly I went from zero to really quite ill. Hence why when I went to work on Sunday I managed an hour before my manager sent me home and I spent the rest of the day napping on the sofa.

I wasn't ready for another week, but one thing my degree hasn't taught me is how to pause time, so I had to get on with it.

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Sunday, 8 October 2017

Year 3: Week 2: It's going to be interesting

At the end of Week 1, I was mostly just feeling very Overwhelmed - to be given 15 assignment deadlines in one week was a lot for my anxious, busy heart to hear but I was hoping to get into this week, make a lot of lists and start to feel a bit more organised.

That's not what happened. I spent most of the week with a stress headache that meant I could barely read, focus and to be honest I was struggling to form functioning sentences. Getting 7 hours of sleep a night doesn't seem to be doing anything for me.

Monday is my busiest day of classes - three hours in the morning, three hours in the afternoon - Digital Magazine Publishing is one of the least stressful units I'm working on because I have an amazing group with a great idea and a good work ethic so the worst bit about those classes is the 9am and the pointless activities (and the fact we're working on our Digital Magazine but not being told what we have to do for our case study that's due in like four weeks).

Advanced Photography is a really fun class - I love the studio work and I'm excited for the assignment, but I just keep forgetting I need to work on that too. I'm used to doing three units before Christmas and three after but now I'm working on five units at once and I'm struggling to comprehend that. I'm enjoying the unit and we had fun with a smaller class in the studio on Monday but I really need to read over the assignment brief and make some notes of ideas.

Tuesday, another 9am that hurt my heart a bit - the morning lecture was useful as I found out more about how we're meant to structure our presentations. After that lecture I had my first meeting with my FMP tutor, we had a long chat about what I'm concerned about and what I'm thinking about in terms of my project. It was an eye opening chat and I'm feeling both better and infinitely worse about approaching my last year now - I've spent a lot of this week thinking about my mental health and going to a doctor about it but that's super scary.

Wednesday was our first live news day of the year - I was working on a story about Twitter upping it's character count and it was interesting. It was a fairly simple story, I enjoyed working with my team on it and with the other teams around the room - it didn't feel like my team working on my story for no reason, it felt like everyone in the room was really working together and it was nice to feel that industry standard of journalism.

But Wednesday night wasn't my night. I kept hiding away in my room because I couldn't face even sitting in the same room as my house mates because I just felt this enormous pressure in my chest. Then my boyfriend, my darling boyfriend, came upstairs to check on me and I broke - I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, nothing felt real, I felt like I was floating in a dream and somehow everything in my life was fake and wrong. It was a terrifying situation to be in, it was about 45 minutes to an hour of panic attack and it was exhausting. 

My boyfriend ended up calling in sick to work the next day for me because I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. But I did some uni work that day and I made dinner and I did stuff, I think that's okay.

Friday I went to my lecture at 9, I then went straight home instead of to our Digital Magazine meeting because we were meant to be having someone from management visiting our house but they'd called in sick so I went to have lunch and get some work done and go to another seminar in the afternoon then a Sonar Media meeting then I went home and I've never been more grateful for it - I needed a night in and I had it.

On Saturday I only just managed to take 1000 steps in the day and I spent most of the day organising picking up some sofas I'd purchased on Friday night and hiring a van and making a lot of brainstorm spider diagrams for uni work and Sonar Film work.

Everything is super busy and I think it's going to take me a couple more weeks to get to grips with a routine and putting it all together but I've asked to have less hours at work, I'm getting ahead on Sonar Film stuff and I hope I'm keeping on top of all of my assignments.

But my focus for Week 3 is getting to the doctors and getting help.

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Friday, 29 September 2017

Year 3: Week 1: Very Overwhelmed

And how am I starting my third year? I'm pretty sure I was chatting to my mum trying to come up with a name for this blog yesterday but here I am going into my third year.

I wasn't sure about documenting my third year because I struggled to keep up at the end of second year and I'm already very, very busy but I really want to properly finish my documentation - I'll try and fit it in!

An update: I've been elected as Marketing Manager and President of Sonar Film, Solent University's Cinema society showing blockbuster releases at a massively reduced rate. It takes a lot of organisation and prep and money and time but I'm trying desperately to fit it all in.

I'm behind on my bullet journal and I need to make a super long list of everything I need to do.

I've joined the drama and performance society properly this year and I'm so excited to perform and rehearse and sing and dance without the stress of the Cheer and Dance team (so glad I'm not a Raven this year).

So let's get into it day by day:

Monday is the day for my optional units - Digital Magazine Publishing and Advanced Photography. In week one this was mostly an introduction to the units and assessments - Digital Magazine Publishing involved us getting into groups and picking a topic to make a digital magazine about and advanced photography is learning more about photography.

I don't want to just detail what my assessments are but I'm excited to make a digital magazine with my friends about something we're all really passionate about and advanced photography I'm glad I'm finally getting to learn more about photography and taking better photos.

Tuesday was two of my compulsory units - our FMP unit was a 9am lecture to find out more about what we have to do over the course of the year and in the afternoon we had a two hour seminar which is our package unit. We make three multimedia stories, have to log our performance on news days and log our work experience.

With a 5 hour gap between this lecture and seminar, I had time to go do a shift at work but that will not be happening again I promise - next week there will be naps.

Wednesday was the quietest Wednesday I will have for the entire year - Wednesday's are News Days. This week we just had a sort of training day talking about the changes that are happening this year and a new program we'll be using that is confusing and I wasn't in the mood for, but it was a fairly early finish and I went home for a nap and then went trampolining in the evening.

Thursday was my day off uni, I thought I'd have a chance to make a list of all my assignments and deadlines and organise myself but I had work and I was too tired - and I had my last unit introduction on Friday so I wanted to wait for that too.

Friday was my third 9am of the week (4 next week, pray for me), the lecture was a big like a history lesson and I've had a stress headache all week so I couldn't really absorb any of it. Between lecture and seminar I had a meeting with my digital magazine group to work on our homework (I know, we actually got homework) and then back to seminar this afternoon.

From there I went to the office we have for Sonar Film to do some uni work then back to drama and performance rehearsal in the evening before a Saturday of having literally no plans - I do not plan to leave the house and I'm going to get so much work done.

The Sunday I was working and mentally preparing myself for another week of uni. This year is going to be long and stressful and busy but good year - I'm scared but almost looking forward to it being over.

I'm hoping this blog will help me keep on top of things and organise myself, but that hasn't worked particularly well in first or second year so we'll see how it goes.

Here's to my third and final year of university.

Snapchat: SophieALuckett

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Week 20-21-22-23: The Last Weeks of Second Year

Now that I've finally caught up with my second week at BBC Three, I thought I should probably finish off my last weeks at uni! I thought I'd put them all into one post because it's been busy, but nothing particularly outstanding happened I don't think!

Week 20
Monday was back to uni after two weeks of being away and it was pretty average - a lot of sympathetic looks and asking about how I felt about my nan, but other than that it was a very average day (it was also about two months ago now). I had a meeting with my level tutor for about 45 minutes and we sorted the world out - we both got lots of feedback it was fab.

Then I went to meet my sister and we went to a concert of my favourite band, All Time Low. Yes, we saw them in London on the Friday and Southampton on the Monday - essentially, they announced the London show and we bought tickets, then they announced the rest of the tour and I couldn't let them come to Southampton without me seeing them, I couldn't do it.

Tuesday, my sister went home while I was at work first thing and then I went into uni that afternoon before I went to dance. The whole day I had this weird tight feeling in my chest and even the short walk to dance completely exhausted me so dance training was a really good idea, right?

No I had a panic attack and was sat in a corridor sobbing on my own. Fun right? 

And I went into news day the next day like nothing happened! I was on the subbing team which involved sitting around for six hours then rewriting someone's story because he thinks his job at a local newspaper makes him untouchable even though he's an awful writer. Not that this angered me at all. It was a very long day.

Thursday and Friday I was at work, Saturday I went on a long walk with my boyfriend because we still play Pokemon Go even when the hype has died (lol) and then on Sunday I had my last dance competition of the season! It was in Nottingham and we put everything into it and we were so happy but then the scoring was shite and we didn't do as well as we thought so we just didn't really talk about it then I got home at 3am and I had uni at 10. Wonderful.

Goodbye Ravens forever.

I'm not dancing next year and I'm not sad about it, to be honest it's been too stressful this year.

Week 21
Another Monday! This post is going to get increasingly sarcastic I think.

Today I went to uni, I played MarioKart in a really big lecture theatre because why not and then we went for a late night Asda with our friends. Pretty chill day, why not?

Tuesday morning I got to go to Mettricks for the first time in ages - I got a hot chocolate, I had a great time, I might have been productive but I can't remember because I gave up on blogging at this point in my life because I was very depressed and keeping up with things I want to do is too much like someone who is having a good mental health day.

After Mettricks I went to uni and then, because I only finished the dance season two days ago I got into something else that's a big commitment and lots of time? Yeah sure, I went to audition for the Drama and Performance society's musical medley.

I did audition and I got a couple of small parts and I was really excited about it, but we'll get to that more later.

Then it was News Day again and I was on the radio bulletin and it was chill and fine, I did the 12pm bulletin. Then the Westminster attacks happened in London and the news room went insane and I helped with TV bulletins and did a two way in the 4pm radio bulletin.

I feel like writing about this is really dull because I submitted my news day log last week (real time, not in week 21) so I've already reflected on this week and every news day in this semester and I'm trying not to be repetitive and boring but the only person who's going to read my news day log is Jon, maybe Kevin.

But that's about it anyways.

And surprise, surprise - guess what I did on Thursday and Friday?? I was at work! Wowowowowow. I'm so tired.

Saturday I had work again and I did filming for a package that was destined to be shite and was due next week (spoiler, I got a 2:1 in the end so it wasn't as shite as I thought it was). But my camera battery was basically dead and I got really sad about it so I had to film on my phone.

Now, I don't know if this is obvious in these posts but I make little notes each week so when it comes to actually writing these posts up (eventually), I vaguely know what to write about, even if it's a month or two later.

The only notes I have for this Sunday is just 'work and clocks change and giving up a bit'. I don't think I need to add anything else.

Week 22
Monday's are pretty standard - they're my longest days of classes at uni (I don't count news day as a class, but now that I write that I'm not sure what I do count it as) and then I went to work (volunteer) at Sonar Film, showing Kong this week.

For context: Sonar Film is a society at my university that basically runs a cinema of very recent films (while they're still in the cinema if not in release week, hence Kong) and I'm part of the crew that run it. I'm part of the committee next year and I'm very excited. I love Sonar Film.

On Tuesday I went to Mettricks again (where some students were filming some sort of bad-first-date-film and it was very entertaining) but I also had two deadlines so I wasn't paying much attention. I had to edit, write and put together a whole package about World Water Day that I thought was absolutely awful and I also had to write a a critical report for music journalism analysing three music journalists. I thought it was horrific but apparently it wasn't - I got a first! Even though I wrote about one of the journalists as if they were female when they were, in fact, male, but in my defence - without doing the research (which, I know I should have done) what pronouns would you use for a writer called Alexis Petridis? 

I finished both of these assignments at another drama and performance musical rehearsal, leaving uni knowing I'd be back for less than twelve hours for news day... yay.

Today I was a news journalist and I just wasn't getting into the story - there were three of us working on a really vague story that had no legit sources so we kind of blagged our way to publishing and I made an infographic on photoshop which looked legitimately awful.

The end of term was approaching and I just, didn't, care, anymore. 

(The commas are for emphasis not grammatical correctness - I had to say something for the sake of my heart's happiness)

And that evening I got the train home for my nan's funeral. I thought I was ready - I thought I'd done all my crying and I thought I'd be the strong, emotionless one in a room full of sadness. I felt kind of numb.

But then we were all there in black, I was part of a funeral procession and I saw a coffin that I knew my nan was in and then we arrived at the crematorium and I saw loads of people that I love and friends and family that were all looking at me to see if I was okay and my cousin and I went to the toilet and then suddenly I found Lucas and I was broken. There was no stimulus, there was nothing that set me off I think it just set in that it was real.

Then I pulled Lucas into the reserved family section of the church thing and cried silently for the whole thing then we went and looked at all the pretty flowers and lots of people told me everything was going to be okay and my dad made some very inappropriate comments about his own death and then I avoided people.

Then I got back in the funeral car without Lucas (which wasn't fun) and we went back to a hotel cafe for the wake and then the drinking started. People bought me vodka and my family were so drunk and it was wonderful.

This is where Sonar Film becomes relevant again.

At the wake, me, my wonderful boyfriend Lucas and my best friend Nick get a message from the current President of Sonar Film (who was organising the committee for next year) sends us all a message detailing our roles in the society next year - I'm going to be the marketing manager (the elections were a couple of weeks later but I got it so it's okay) so I'm in charge of social media and stuff. 

But alongside the more business like role titles, we also have to have the traditional President, Vice President, Treasurer, Secretary etc.

Next to my name was the word President. I had been nominated as President of Sonar Film. I was so excited and Lucas was not happy at all, because he was really interested in the role of President.

Then my mum's friends went ham on the whole 'Lucas wanted it and I got it' thing and it was so funny.

I am now President and Marketing Manager of Sonar Film and I'm so excited. Just so excited.

Moving on.

On Friday I spent some time with my dad, went for a nice lunch with the fam and my cousin gave out her wedding invites which was such a lovely way to end a very sad and sentimental couple of days and then I went and got on a train with my boyfriend because I had work on Saturday. What a surprise.

And Sunday I had a very lazy, unproductive day, but I found a gorgeous sofa that I absolutely adored in British Heart Foundation and I swear to god if I had £300 and space I'd have bought the set I loved it so much, it was going to be my throne. I also bought a fake plant that's very cute and a fairy light elephant ornament in Primark. I don't need any of those things but I own them now and I'm very happy about it.

And then...

Week 23 - last week before Easter!
Uni was weird this Monday - Lifestyle PR was really productive and my group are great and I was really happy but we were working in this area of uni that's a bit like a library but not the library and I started getting really anxious - I nearly had an anxiety attack and it was really scary so I just went and sat in one of these booths in the new building at uni, stupidly named The Spark, and continued working as if I was not freaking out internally.

Then I went to music journalism where my shit lecturer had a WikiHow article about how to be a music journalism up on the screen the whole time and I feel like that is where he got his information on how to be a music journalist which is why he's so shit.

But I played Dungeons and Dragons with my friends in the evening and it was lots of fun. 

On Tuesday I did an interview with a couple of sports journalists in the morning - they interviewed me about whether dance was a sport or not and it was really interesting, also nice to help out a fellow journo. Then I tried to get some work done before uni and another rehearsal in the afternoon.

This didn't happen in Week 23, but after the Easter holidays we had a meeting with everyone from drama and performance and it turned out we don't have a space to perform this musical or time to rehearse it properly so it's being cancelled, which is sad but I think all of us would rather not perform than perform in an under-rehearsed show, so hopefully I'll have time to go back to drama and performance next year.

And then, our last news day! And I was on the editorial team so rather than my usual 9am start, I had to be in the news room by 8am on that morning. However, I was on social media and it was this day that made me realise that social media is what I need to do with my life and where I want to go.

I went to an interview for the festival circuit three weeks later and I didn't realise I have a five year plan but I have a five year plan regarding my social media career.

But after this day of being social media assistant producer on our last news day, no one was down to work at Sonar Film that night so after 9-10 hour day at uni, I then went to work a horror/comedy/psycho-thriller film I didn't want to watch (I don't rate Get Out, by the way) but I did order GBK to uni and that was mildly entertaining.

On Thursday I worked an 8 hour shift (shock horror, I just always work Thursdays) but I had to go to Sonar again and frantically organise someone to stick around with the film because I had to go to another rehearsal for the musical that isn't happening anymore and then I went and sat in a studio whilst the boys (my flatmates, my boyfriend and best friends, my boys) finished off some studio assignment thing and I got to play with a Canon 5D and it was absolutely beautiful.

Friday I was at work again, I had a really chill evening including dying my hair purple and had a really accidental late night. Oops.

I'm aware of how long this post is now oops.

Saturday I did a short shift at work and I napped in the afternoon or the second day in a row and it was a bit unsettling for me because I got out the habit of it. I just couldn't get my head into doing any work because I was so unbelievably tired.

In a stunning turn of events, I had work on Sunday however I was not in at 9am which made me so happy. I had a lie in and I loved it so much.

And all of a sudden it was the Easter holidays and it was manic busy with trying to spend time with my family when they were visiting but also doing 55 hours at work over two weeks (lol) and trying to do uni work (this didn't happen) and getting very tired and feeling like I had no break at all.

Then when I came back to uni after Easter, I had my Lifestyle PR presentation and I wrote my entire Lifestyle PR press pack in one day because I had zero time after Easter (2000 words in one day, pretty chuffed).

The rest of that week was spent trying to do my news day and work experience log due the following week and all that happened is I just kept formatting it and designing it and this and that but I didn't start writing it properly till it was due a week and a half later, but I wrote 5500 words in the end.

I've had my interview for summer festivals and I got the nicest email about how well my interview went (I was so unbelievably happy). I've been making YouTube videos and blogging and planning content and thoroughly enjoying the more free time I'm getting with each deadline that passes and I'm so excited for summer, but I do have one more deadline on May 16th for music journalism then I'm done with second year.

I've had a meeting about third year already and it's very scary but I'm excited to approach it and finish my degree but I can't believe it's been three years and three years of my life have gone - I can't believe how fast everything is going and I went to get a grip on it and start directing my future.

I'm still working a lot and this summer is turning out to be really good, I just need uni to be done now.

My plan is to do another update once all of my results for the year have come in and I can finish off second year. I'll probably do this again in third year - in first year I was constantly behind on these weekly posts and this year I was up to date until I experienced extreme grief for the first time which I feel is a pretty legit reason and maybe in third year I'll actually nail this blog!

I always write like I'm talking to someone, but this blog is entirely for me. But thanks for letting me write. It's very late and I'm going a bit mad, I need to end this.

That's basically the end of second year!

(This post is nearly 3000 word lol)

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