Sunday 8 October 2017

Year 3: Week 2: It's going to be interesting

At the end of Week 1, I was mostly just feeling very Overwhelmed - to be given 15 assignment deadlines in one week was a lot for my anxious, busy heart to hear but I was hoping to get into this week, make a lot of lists and start to feel a bit more organised.

That's not what happened. I spent most of the week with a stress headache that meant I could barely read, focus and to be honest I was struggling to form functioning sentences. Getting 7 hours of sleep a night doesn't seem to be doing anything for me.

Monday is my busiest day of classes - three hours in the morning, three hours in the afternoon - Digital Magazine Publishing is one of the least stressful units I'm working on because I have an amazing group with a great idea and a good work ethic so the worst bit about those classes is the 9am and the pointless activities (and the fact we're working on our Digital Magazine but not being told what we have to do for our case study that's due in like four weeks).

Advanced Photography is a really fun class - I love the studio work and I'm excited for the assignment, but I just keep forgetting I need to work on that too. I'm used to doing three units before Christmas and three after but now I'm working on five units at once and I'm struggling to comprehend that. I'm enjoying the unit and we had fun with a smaller class in the studio on Monday but I really need to read over the assignment brief and make some notes of ideas.

Tuesday, another 9am that hurt my heart a bit - the morning lecture was useful as I found out more about how we're meant to structure our presentations. After that lecture I had my first meeting with my FMP tutor, we had a long chat about what I'm concerned about and what I'm thinking about in terms of my project. It was an eye opening chat and I'm feeling both better and infinitely worse about approaching my last year now - I've spent a lot of this week thinking about my mental health and going to a doctor about it but that's super scary.

Wednesday was our first live news day of the year - I was working on a story about Twitter upping it's character count and it was interesting. It was a fairly simple story, I enjoyed working with my team on it and with the other teams around the room - it didn't feel like my team working on my story for no reason, it felt like everyone in the room was really working together and it was nice to feel that industry standard of journalism.

But Wednesday night wasn't my night. I kept hiding away in my room because I couldn't face even sitting in the same room as my house mates because I just felt this enormous pressure in my chest. Then my boyfriend, my darling boyfriend, came upstairs to check on me and I broke - I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, nothing felt real, I felt like I was floating in a dream and somehow everything in my life was fake and wrong. It was a terrifying situation to be in, it was about 45 minutes to an hour of panic attack and it was exhausting. 

My boyfriend ended up calling in sick to work the next day for me because I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. But I did some uni work that day and I made dinner and I did stuff, I think that's okay.

Friday I went to my lecture at 9, I then went straight home instead of to our Digital Magazine meeting because we were meant to be having someone from management visiting our house but they'd called in sick so I went to have lunch and get some work done and go to another seminar in the afternoon then a Sonar Media meeting then I went home and I've never been more grateful for it - I needed a night in and I had it.

On Saturday I only just managed to take 1000 steps in the day and I spent most of the day organising picking up some sofas I'd purchased on Friday night and hiring a van and making a lot of brainstorm spider diagrams for uni work and Sonar Film work.

Everything is super busy and I think it's going to take me a couple more weeks to get to grips with a routine and putting it all together but I've asked to have less hours at work, I'm getting ahead on Sonar Film stuff and I hope I'm keeping on top of all of my assignments.

But my focus for Week 3 is getting to the doctors and getting help.




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