Saturday 21 October 2017

Year 3: Week 4: Losing Control Again

Week 4 - getting back on track - let's do this.

Monday 9am was more interesting because my usual lecturer for Digital Magazine Publishing wasn't there - I actually felt like we had support and help rather than someone who would rather see us fail and that was a nice start to the day. In the break before photography I think I went to the Sonar Media office to work but I can't remember because I'm still kind of ill (I'm writing this on Saturday, yes it's been a week and half now) and my brain has had a long week.

I managed to go to the lecture for Advance Photography and I got to chat through my assignment idea with my lecturer which was great but the studio seminar was too much and I needed to go home. I ended up doing a weekly shop in Asda with my boyfriend and had a nice rest before going to my first pilates class at the gym - god it was a workout but it was actually nice to be worked that hard.

Tuesday 9am - I made it, haven't missed one yet. This week I actually really enjoyed because it focused more on the mechanics and giving us advice on how to make our FMP and that was nice to me, particularly because it really showed me that I had actually thought about this a lot and I know what I wanted to make.

Then I had my usual 5 hour gap - I had an FMP meeting at 10am, I went and did an audio interview about mental health at 10.30am and I had a meeting with another society president at 11am. Then I had to work on my first multimedia story hand in, which as per - I had left until the last minute.

It took me the entire break and another half an hour before the deadline to submit and I'm not massively happy with it but I know what to work on for my next package - find a story with more substance that I don't have to stretch thin and time management.

From there I had drama rehearsals and boy did it kill my throat - 2 hours of rehearsing a song from Hamilton that I barely know and then another hour or so of rehearsing a song I have lead vocals in and that hurt but it was so much fun. I love performing and I love rehearsals and this is everything I wanted but never got from being on a dance team for two years - it made me so happy even though I probably wasn't well enough to be there.

Then it was 8am for another News Day on the subbing desk - because I covered the role for someone the week before, that didn't mean I didn't have to do my week of the role. This week was more stressful because of the hand in the day before and in total I subbed 34 stories. It was busy but more organised than the week before and I did enjoy it.

I also enjoyed the post-News Day Sprinkles crepe but that's not the point.

And I was grateful for my Thursday off - all of my housemates left the house at 7.30am for a trip they were going on and I didn't mind too much as it meant I was awake and I got a fair amount done in the morning and over lunch.

I then went to the gym - second time in a week - then I got home and had a shower and suddenly, my brain switched off. I needed to start baking for our Sonar Media Bake Off presentation the next day but for some reason all I could do was curl up under a big blanket on my sofa and try to stay awake. Who doesn't love a depression nap when you have loads to do, right?

That evening we started baking and made some disastrous cakes but they were done and ready (ish) for the presentation the next day - we had fun.

Friday morning lecture was as interesting as ever - I just can't engage with this academic unit, I find it so hard to care but I attended and I got lots of Sonar work done which is never a bad thing.

In the break I basically had a lovely catch up with my wonderful friend Becca and it was so nice - I feel like I need my weekly debriefs with her and I thoroughly enjoy them.

Friday seminar was actually really useful as we actually started talking about the essay we have to submit in two months which is nice for my brain to try and organise.

Then after that seminar was the Sonar Media Bake Off results - we came a solid middle ground 2nd which I was actually very pleased with and then I took the left over cake to drama rehearsal like two hours later. In between bake off and drama I had a rather big cry on my boyfriend but I got over that and went to drama anyway.

And that night my boyfriend and I finally started catching up on the Flash Season 3 - I'm so excited to be watching it again! It's so nice to be immersed in this world again and it's nice to care about something so much. With the amount I've been struggling with my mental health recently, my passion has gone - I don't listen to music much anymore, I can't think of the last time I wrote anything creatively, I don't read, I barely watch YouTube let alone make videos or write blog posts, so to want to watch something is really quite reassuring.

I felt the same about Kingsman: The Golden Circle actually - I watched it last Thursday at Sonar Film and last Saturday with my mum and sister and then this Saturday I went to the cinema with my boyfriend (which will never be something I don't enjoy, I love going to the cinema) and I just love this film and how it really makes me feel. I won't spoil it but wow there's one bit that I've cried more and more at each time I've been to see it and I think I'm going to try and fit going to the cinema more often into my schedule because I enjoyed it so much.

And the week is over - Saturday has been a nice chilled day and I'm sitting in the living room listening to the Kingsman soundtrack while my housemates play video games and I'm getting some work done. It's nice to feel like I have the time to work at my own pace rather than having to get stuff done ASAP.

I'm going to a new class at the gym tomorrow morning then I've got work in the afternoon, then tomorrow night I don't think I'm going to do any work at all. Let's start Week 5 in the right mindset - this is the week I actually make a doctors appointment to talk to someone about my mental health.





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